Once upon a time, it was all I could do to focus on anything but Isabella’s diabetes. I worried about it all day. I surfed the web and asked questions on the Feline Diabetes Message Board. I tested her relentlessly. I obsessed over her blood sugar, made spreadsheets and graphs and scales of insulin doses.But no more. Something has changed.
Isabella now gets tested twice a day before her shots. Maybe three times if I’m feeling really perky. I’ve quit trying to find the perfect dose and have settled on a fine dose, with minor tweaking according to her sugar level. I write down each blood test in a little notebook, along with the date, time and dose, but I haven’t touched a spreadsheet in months. And graphs? They’re history.
Depending upon who you ask, I’m either behaving more normally or being recklessly irresponsible. Near as I can tell, Isabella’s diabetes is exactly the same as always. I still get reading in the 300s. And 200s and 100s, with no apparent rhyme or reason. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to get a report that her fructosamine level reveals “poor control,” just the same as when I was obsessing.
I don’t know if I’ve given up because I’ll never get the upper hand on this damn diabetes, or have given up because the cancer will certainly win in the end, no matter what I do.
Poor Isabella. She’s on the losing end of all of these equations.
1 comment:
I think you have come to a place of peace with the diabetes. That's my judgment because I've come to the same place, and my household is much happier for finding that place.
And I am glad to see your next entry, because now you know you haven't given up on this disease or on Isabella. Isabella's isn't on the losing end of anything; she's on the winning side of your love and care, and experiencing life, warts and all.
Venita and the Boyz
Poor Isabella. She’s on the losing end of all of these equations.
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